Integrative Therapy
for Relational Trauma
Trauma is not just about what happens to us; it’s also about how we experience what happens to us. At its core, trauma is any deeply distressing or disturbing event that overwhelms our body’s natural ability to cope. It can leave us feeling disconnected from ourselves and our emotions, often limiting our ability to fully engage with life.
When we hear the word “trauma,” many of us immediately think of catastrophic events—war, natural disasters, abuse, or life-threatening accidents. These are what we often call “Big T” traumas—major incidents that shatter our sense of safety and security. But trauma doesn’t always announce itself in such obvious ways.
In fact, many of us live with the subtle echoes of trauma without recognizing it. These are “small t” traumas, quieter disruptions that accumulate over time and erode our emotional resilience.
Small ‘t’ traumas are less dramatic than their “Big T” counterparts but no less significant. They involve experiences that may not be life-threatening but still feel overwhelming. These might include:
These events often fly under the radar because they don’t seem “big enough” to count as trauma. But when such experiences accumulate or strike at a particularly vulnerable time, they can deeply affect our emotional functioning.
For example, an individual who grows up feeling emotionally unsupported may not recognize this as traumatic. Over time, however, that lack of connection can foster a sense of unworthiness, making it difficult to form healthy relationships later in life.
Among the most impactful small ‘t’ traumas is relational trauma—wounds inflicted in the context of relationships. This could arise in childhood, through emotionally unavailable caregivers, or in adulthood, through toxic or abusive relationships. Relational trauma disrupts our ability to trust and connect with others, leaving a lasting imprint on how we view ourselves and the world.
For instance, someone who experiences repeated betrayal or rejection may begin to internalize the belief that they are unlovable or not good enough. These beliefs often operate below conscious awareness but profoundly influence how we relate to others, how we navigate conflict, and even how we perceive ourselves.
Relational trauma is particularly significant because humans are inherently social beings. Our connections—or lack thereof—shape our sense of safety, belonging, and self-worth. When these connections are fractured or harmful, the pain can ripple out into every aspect of our lives.
But here’s the thing: the pain from relational trauma isn’t just something we feel in our emotions. Neuroscience shows that emotional pain, such as the pain of neglect or rejection, activates the same areas of the brain that process physical pain. Research has found that the anterior cingulate cortex, a part of the brain responsible for both physical and emotional pain, lights up when we experience emotional distress.
This means that when someone faces emotional neglect, such as being dismissed, ignored, or invalidated, it doesn’t only affect them emotionally—it physically hurts. This overlap between emotional and physical pain helps us understand why relational trauma can have such a lasting impact, deeply affecting not just how we feel but also our body’s response to pain, stress, and recovery.
While trauma is often associated with isolated incidents, relational trauma reminds us that our greatest wounds often come from the very relationships that should nurture and protect us. This is why relational trauma can feel so destabilizing—it touches the deepest parts of who we are.
However, it’s also within relationships that healing becomes possible. Whether through therapy, supportive friendships, or compassionate self-awareness, repairing relational wounds requires building safe, affirming connections. This is why relational trauma work is so important in therapy—it doesn’t just address the trauma itself but also helps restore trust and connection.
Recognizing small ‘t’ trauma and relational trauma is a powerful first step in healing. It validates experiences that are often dismissed or minimized and opens the door to self-compassion. Healing involves learning to reconnect with your emotions, challenging internalized beliefs, and building relationships that are safe and affirming.
Trauma—whether “Big T” or “small t”—doesn’t define you. It’s part of your story, but it’s not the whole story. Healing may take time, but with the right support, you can rebuild your sense of self, reclaim your emotional world, and move forward with strength and hope.
Patrizia Jones,
Integrative Counsellor & EFIT therapist, MBACP
Relational trauma can leave deep marks on how we relate to ourselves and others. Whether stemming from childhood relationships or experiences in adult connections—like betrayals,
Do you feel like past relationships—whether with family, friends, or romantic partners—still have a grip on your present life? You’re not alone. Relational trauma, caused
Repeating positive affirmations, whether aloud or quietly in one’s own mind, is crucial for individuals who have experienced relational trauma because it helps counteract the
If you have experienced relational trauma, it’s especially important to stop seeking approval from others to enjoy greater self-esteem because relying on external validation can
Welcome! I support adults who have experienced Relational Trauma in cultivating a secure sense of self and emotional resilience. I am an Integrative Counsellor (MBACP), EFIT therapist, and Registered Nurse with over 17 years experience in the NHS.
