Integrative Counselling Therapy
for Relational Trauma
Relational trauma refers to the emotional wounds caused by harmful or neglectful relationships, often leaving deep scars on one’s psyche. While it can erode both self-esteem and confidence, it’s important to distinguish between the two. Self-esteem is the internal sense of worth and value we hold for ourselves, whereas confidence is our belief in our abilities to succeed in specific tasks. Relational trauma tends to diminish self-esteem, which can, in turn, affect confidence, but the two concepts are not interchangeable. This blog delves into the differences between self-esteem and confidence and how to enhance our self-esteem.
Self-confidence is the amount of trust you have in yourself to do a particular task well. But more importantly, in your ability to learn how to carry out a particular task.
2. Self-esteem is the general impression you have of yourself. Self-esteem is a form of self-love. It’s how pleased you are with yourself in general, with all your positive and less positive aspects. You can have a lot of self-confidence and very little self-esteem. The opposite can also be true.
3. Self-confidence is easier to build. Self-confidence is the result of preparation and success. For example, if you prepare well for an exam, you’ll have confidence in your ability to do well on that exam. When you have a history of doing well at something, you’ll develop self-confidence in that area.
4. Self-esteem can’t be built with achievements, but self-confidence can. A wall full of trophies and awards can really boost your self-confidence. However, it may do little for your self-esteem. You can be great at something without valuing yourself.
“Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we’ll ever do.”
– Brené Brown
Building self-confidence is work, but the work that needs to be done is quite clear. If you want to be confident at shooting free-throws, shoot 100 of them each day until you’re consistently successful. Practice giving speeches until you’re good at giving them and you’ll develop self-confidence in that area of your life.
Learning to love yourself unconditionally will help you build self-esteem.
You can have one without the other. But it’s much more powerful to have both than to only have one. You can be wildly successful with just self-confidence, but your successes will never make you happy or satisfied. Both work together synergistically to create a life experience that can’t be duplicated any other way.
Build self-confidence in the areas that serve you. Build your self-esteem so you can love yourself.
“When I loved myself enough, I began leaving whatever wasn’t healthy. This meant people, jobs, my own beliefs and habits – anything that kept me small. My judgement called it disloyal. Now I see it as self-loving.”
– Kim McMillen
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Welcome! I support adults who have experienced Relational Trauma reclaim their sense of self and emotional wellbeing. I am an Integrative Counselling Therapist (MBACP) and a Registered Nurse with over 17 years experience.
